It’s a New Moon and a New Year this weekend. Scientists have hit upon a theory called “The Fresh Start Effect”.
It happens naturally for most people at the new year or their birthdays, the beginning of a new job, diet, workout, school year, or relationship. Even buying a new journal or personal development book can contribute to this effect.
The Fresh Start Effect is related to Temporal Landmarks – a place in time where we see ourselves in the present moment as related to the past and who we want to be in the future. The Fresh Start Effect can inspire us to pursue new goals or recommit to previous goals. We stop for a moment – we retreat from the hum of our daily lives – and assess. What are we doing? Why are we doing this? Do we want to keep doing this?
My birthday is New Year’s Eve. In the past, this was a problem. I used to say that everyone got at least two times a year, their birthday and the New Year to assess their previous year – the previous chronological and calendar year. I used to say that they were at an advantage because their assessment and reflection were parsed over time, whereas mine doubled up on itself, not really giving me time to assess or make changes.
Hoo-boy. Even writing that now I realize how far I’ve come from that mindset. I was pretty identified as a victim, envious that others got all the good breaks. Those neural pathways were deep and though I’m naturally a good-natured happy person, I can see how underneath I was miserable.
If I made a mistake, didn’t exercise, forgot the store returns, overate the chocolate cake or underate vegetables, drank too much, didn’t return the phone call, or sent the holiday package late, I saw myself as a failure, would emotionally berate myself, falling further into a sea of self-loathing.
I couldn’t recover. Any of these actions, and any other activities, mired me in emotional muck. Moments created days, months, and years where I saw myself as a loser and a bum. I couldn’t handle these simple tasks; what was wrong with me?
Fit people, people who got good grades in school, who had romantic relationships, well-decorated and tidy homes, and well-paying jobs, I could not understand how they managed it.
Positive aspects like heroic, generous, confident, advocate, champion, disciplined, healthy, and good were for other people, not for me.
I couldn’t recover from the negative stream.
They say you have to hit rock bottom and I hit it, bounced up, and hit it again a few more times, that rocky bottom acting more like an ouchy trampoline.
That was enough. I worried I wouldn’t live to see my toddler twins grow up. So I started to work on changing. As they say, it is an inside job.
The changes were slow, just as, I imagine the negative talk was slow, sneaky, and subtle. I earned the changes, mindfully. Occasionally I slipped back into my former ways. Occasionally I still do.
A few of the powerful tools that helped me change. You know these already, but it serves to remind you and it serves to remind me because frankly, life happens. And sometimes when my life is very lively, I let go of the reins. Each one of these tools is a dog pulling the sled of my mind.
- Meditation
- Exercise
- Nature
- Journaling
- Therapy
- Creativity
- Nourishing Foods
- Breathing
- Giving Back
- Here:::Now
For me, what I’ve learned is that The Fresh Start Effect no longer has to happen only on my birthday or New Year.
Sometimes when I recognize in a moment that I’m spiraling, I’ll stop, look at my hands or catch my reflection in the mirror, take a few deep breaths, and start again.
I can stop the downward spiral. I can ground myself, breathe deeply, and send the energy where it needs to go – to my heart, hands, or head.
Then I return to this moment, Here:::Now, the only moment that actually exists, the only moment you and I are actually living.
The Fresh Start Effect reminds us that we can start from wherever we are and begin again.
Maybe you are like me, always looking for a fresh start. I look for fresh starts everywhere – the top of the hour, week, or month, a new and quick art project, a sink full of dirty dishes, a walk with the dog. Each of these things has the power to change us if we approach them with equanimity.
It’s a New Moon and a New Year this weekend. Maybe you are ready for a Fresh Start?
Get your journal. Ask yourself these questions.
What do you want to do?
What do you want to stop doing?
What would you like to increase?
What would you like to decrease?
They are all variations on the theme…contemplation and soul-searching. We have no problem spending hours scrolling through social media, news feeds, videos, articles, and links.
How much time do you spend a day connecting with your own revelations?
When was the last time you spent an hour – even just ten minutes – glimpsing yourself?
Maybe this is the moment for your fresh start.