The song came to me in the weeks before December 31, 2016, my 45th birthday…”Big Sky Country” by Chris Whitley. I’ve listened to it on repeat non-stop since then.
I first heard it in the mid-90s when I shared an office with someone who has an appetite in music as voracious as mine.
It was my first and only experience as an office drone. I realized in those moments that I required more freedom, more space, more room to roam. Monday to Friday 0800-1830 with the occasional Saturday was not for me.
In the weeks before December 31, 2016, my 45th birthday, I put myself out there. Too scary. I came back. I’ve been hiding.
In the weeks before December 31, 2016, my 45th birthday, I had a vision of myself at stormy dawn in the desolate desert, alone with a steaming mug in my hand. I wanted to celebrate 45 solar revolutions listening to and discovering the essence of my soul. In the storm and the silence could I shed the noise of my life to recapture my confidence and creativity?
Like a child toddling away from its parent, some children run away with nary a look back, convinced and unconcerned. Some are tenderly tentative, taking only a few paces before running back for rest and assurance.
Both are me.
And so I went, to Big Sky Country, to listen to the wind, be pounded by the rain and beat the cold.
Like Chris Whitley says, I want to prove it while the whole world collides. I want to Hallelujah in the big sky country.
I’m ready to put myself out there again. Having increased my gentle strength I take trusting steps in the direction of my life.
I looked up Chris Whitley today. Since I’ve listened to his song “Big Sky Country” on repeat for about three weeks straight, I figured I would find out a bit more about him.
When first introduced to him it was 1994. Google did not yet exist and finding information on the World Wide Web was not as commonplace as it is now.
Chris Whitley died in 2005 at the age of 45. Forty-five.
That’s how old I turned in December of 2016. Now, I’m forty-seven.
Now I’m not telling you this because I am a huge Chris Whitley fan or because this is a Chis Whitley fan-site.
Here’s the connection.
He was younger than I am now. His daughter was younger than my girls are now.
He won some awards. He prolifically manifested his passion. He was respected for his talent and his contribution.
He was young. And even though he started young, he was just getting started.
And he died.
Which we are all going to do; that is certain. And as I have read in the book Buddhism Without Beliefs, by Stephen Batchelor, the time of death is uncertain, so what should I do?
I do not feel like I have gotten started. I feel I’ve cast about without hitting on anything. I know I can do more. I feel like it’s time to get to living.
As Stephen Batchelor says, If the death is certain, and the time of death is uncertain, what should I do?
What should you do?
Today, cultivate the spirit of life.