Winter Nourishment
What are you hungry for?
I’ve spent most of my life on some diet or another. Research tells us that diets work for a short time. And then you tend to gain the weight back plus some more.
If you’ve dieted most of your life as I have, you know this.
Depth psychologist Carl Jung said, “What you resist, persists”. Have you heard that one?
Resistance is the opposite of resolution.
Resolution is the re-solving of your question. Resistance is to withstand, in opposition.
But how can we be expected to successfully withstand in opposition to something that we are biologically programmed to need?
Studies show that withholding sleep from someone is a form of torture. Withholding food is also inhumane.
So how do we lose weight?
Let’s examine what we mean.
Well, is it the physical weight you want to shed? Possibly.
Retreat – ask yourself, why?
You may find that the physical weight is protection, assuagement, or comfort.
Again, the question is why?
Why do you need that relief, solace, or security? Where is it lacking in your life? How else can you fill that need?
The question I ask my daughters, and myself, isn’t “What do you want to eat?” Or “What do you want for dinner?”
The question is, “What would you care to enjoy?” Or, “What would nourish you most right now?”
Sometimes what would nourish them most is soothing music, sometimes it’s an extra long hug.
Sometimes when I ask myself that question the answer is a brisk walk, stretching, resting on the couch for twenty minutes with my eyes closed, or tearing paper.
So is the weight you want to drop physical, or spiritual? Is it emotional? Is it mental? Could shedding those other types of weights help you yield the physical weight?
Maybe it’s an inside job.
Here is part of your retreat exercise today – ask yourself, what would nourish you most right now? What would you care to enjoy?
For a while, the answer may still be food as we have gotten used to using food as a quick resolution to that question.
Dig deeper – what does the food represent?
Do you crave something rich like chocolate? Maybe you want luxury in your life.
Something sweet like cake? Do you need sweetness in your life?
Do you prefer the frosting? That’s the extra on top.
Do you like crunchy things? Does the sensory noise and action of eating that block out uncomfortable sounds, conversations, or thoughts?
Something salty? Maybe you need more flavor in your life.
Or maybe you eat until you are uncomfortably full because feeling uncomfortably full is “better” than feeling what you really feel. It’s a distraction from a truth you are avoiding.
A quote attributed to Hippocrates, ancient Greek physician, says “Let food be they medicine”. Perhaps you use food, as I did and still sometimes do, to heal spiritual aches and emotional pains that are inevitable in life.
I don’t know. These
Instead of resisting the true questions – what satisfies me? What do I love? How can I relieve, soothe, or delight myself right now? – return to them.
Those are very big questions to ask.
Do you have a journal yet?
No?
Don’t let that delay you! Get started with whatever is nearby.
Grab a pen and the nearest scrap of paper – perhaps that is an old magazine, a receipt, your child’s algebra homework, an envelope, or a bill – and ask and answer the questions.
What would I care to enjoy right now?
What would nourish me most right now?
Right now is the most important part of this question. You don’t have to worry about dinner tonight or that potluck brunch scheduled for Sunday morning. right now – whenever you are reading this – what would satisfy you?
My stomach is already grumbling as I write this. I don’t want to stop writing to make breakfast.
So I’m going to heat some water and watch the sunrise over Goat Mountain. The front of the mountain is a dusty plum pulled straight from the tree in the pre-dawn. Scant clouds frost the top of the mountain. The sun’s reflection mottles them lilac and salmon, a faded blue jeans sky, distant light the pale yellow of lemon curd.
That will be brief. After all, sunrises are brief. Watching the sunrise is what will satisfy me.
I may try to paint it quickly, in watercolor, in one of my “throw-away” notebooks, to keep that good feeling with me, let it fill me and nourish me.
I’ll return.
Winter Retreat
Deep Winter.
The holidays are behind us with their conviviality and cheer, merry lights and song, and abundance.
The New Year has passed as has Quitters Day – the day most people have given up on their resolutions.
Martin Luther King, Jr’s birthday, with his exhortations for activism and peace marks the mid-point of January.
We are on the other side, sliding into February. The shops all tell us so, encouraging us to show love by purchasing chocolates, alcohol, and flowers for Valentine’s Day.
So what are we left with?
I mean, what are we *really* left with?
I think there is a way to let all of that energy into this deep winter.
Can we take the conviviality, the songs, merriment, and cheer, can we take the energy of acknowledging changes we want to make, to improve ourselves and our world, to make this season or this year better than the last, can we be peaceful activists, can we show love to ourselves and others?
Can we keep it simple?
In Winter when the storms rage, winds whip, and cold settles and remains, we need to stoke our inner fire.
The sun may shine. It may gloss weakly through high thin clouds or try to illume peppery skies, How we wish it would burnish bare branches.
This lack of light, Earth’s distance from its source of heat and warmth, affects us emotionally and spiritually.
Grey Grey Brown and Grey. How do we overcome these days?
As the Earth has retreated from the Sun, so must we.
Winter is the time for retreats.
Not everyone can afford the time or money for a retreat where you go somewhere – to a place like The Golden Door Spa or even Rancho La Puerta. You may work multiple jobs to make ends meet, or have multiple people – multiple beating hearts, multiple souls – for whom you are responsible.
But you are also responsible for making the frayed and frazzled ends of yourself meet.
You are responsible for caring for your own soul.
As such you may find that going deep into the naturally occurring darkness of this time of year, is actually a way to meet those responsibilities. It’s a place of discovery.
Like entering a dark cave, or even staying at an unfamiliar home, your senses prickle at the unfamiliar.
How long has it been since you’ve prowled the hollows of your soul? Perhaps you fear what you might find.
The retreat is designed to alert the senses to the soul’s call, which may feel unusual after so many weeks – or years – of external stimulation. Like Supermarket Sweet, you’ve scrambled, hastily hustling for ingredients, only to arrive flustered and lacking.
Listening to yourself, learning to hear yourself, isn’t like that.
It’s slow and methodical, taking the time to go through every aisle, discover new brands, flavors, and preparations, assess the cost, and make a deliberate decision – a resolution.
That’s what a resolution is. You’ve used the strength of your mind, of what will or will not continue.
You have re-solved an issue, conflict, or quandary.
But you’ve got to be able to see, to know, what needs resolution.
Yes, an at-home retreat, over a weekend, or every few evenings, can be just what you need to lay the path, set the course, for the next season, the next section of your life.
Let’s keep it small and simple, shall we?
Let’s address typical categories, but tell the story in a different way.
This season from the Winter Solstice to Imbolc, or Candlemas, is the perfect time to shed these accumulated layers and reveal the radiance underneath.
7 Ways to Become More Yourself This Week
I don’t know about you but I find myself spending a fair amount of time being someone for other people.
PTG President. Mom. Wife. Daughter. Sister and Sister-in-law. Neighbor. Running Partner. Friend.
I get lost in that shuffle. I do not get the attention I deserve and take out my resentment, anger, and aggression in passive and active ways on the people I love the most.
Sometimes I get misplaced when I scroll through Instagram. Looking at these gorgeous, glorious, curated lives I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror with my hair askew, in my old robe, and my funky glasses on.
I don’t have light, loving feelings when I see myself measured against the yardstick of IG.
Can you relate?
Awareness of that has been the first step in changing that.
I can now recognize that when I feel rage I’ve got to Stop Drop and Roll. Here are my top 7 Ways to Become More Yourself This Week.
7 Ways to Become More Yourself This Week
1) MUSIC :::
Was there a song from your college days that lifted you up? That you absolutely couldn’t stop listening to?
Maybe it’s a song your parents listened to in the car as they drove you around?
Or it’s a popular song played at your gym that makes your head bop? A snatch of something you catch in a store while shopping to which you hum along? Or a song that reminds you of a trip….
Music brings joy, and influences and changes my mood. I use it as the fastest way to feel like Me.
There are 3 Songs in particular that flip the switch on my rage, sadness, or disappointment.
And it’s not just me, it’s science! Music is not only able to affect your mood — listening to particularly happy or sad music can even change the way we perceive the world, according to researchers from the University of Groningen.
Check them out here, here, and here. I’ve got all three (and many more listed) in my Spotify playlist, aptly titled “Me”.
Play your songs in the car LOUD.
Singing at eleven is also recommended.
2) ARTIST DATE :::
My cousin is six years older than I am and I idolized him. Handsome, charming, talented it was his life ambition to be a musician.
His parents worried about his livelihood and encouraged him to pursue a “real” career. He honored his parents, got a law degree and has used it sporadically.
But the majority of his adult life he has pursued his true career – music.
As a just starting out, wannabe writer, I asked him for advice. He suggested I first read Julia Cameron’s book The Artist’s Way.
That was twenty years ago and I continue to adhere to Julia Cameron’s two requirements: the Morning Pages and the Artist Date.
The Artist Date is the opportunity to do something playful and fun, ALONE. A chance for you to discover a new joy or reignite an old flame. I’ve fingerpainted, hiked a distant hill, cooked new recipes, strolled through a park, repotted my garden, watched something I want to watch on Netflix, built a fire, checked out a book of short stories from the library, pursued the Dollar Store, moved furniture, gotten ice cream.
The Artist Date need not be expensive nor take a lot of time. Five dollars and thirty minutes in The Dollar Tree, a saunter in your neighborhood stopping at every pink flower, five poems richly read reveal a lot.
The Artist Date needs only involve you. It allows you to refine who you are, what you like, and what you want more of in your life.
Do you know what you like? Do you know what you want more of in your life?
No one can tell you. Only you know by slowing down and listening.
3) MOVIE MOMENTS :::
Everyone has one….what’s yours?
What movie sprints you back to life?
What movie do you enjoy for either the rapier dialogue, the gorgeous costumes, the eye-pleasing stars, the message, or the score?
How about a movie you promised yourself you’d watch years ago and never got back to.
For me, the easy listening of movies is Sofia Coppola’s Marie Antoinette starring Kirsten Dunst. It’s sweet and light like the macarons in which she indulges. Everything is leisurely and luminous and simple. I feel quite like Marie Antoinette once she leaves Paris for “simple” Versailles. Those costumes! That setting! Frothy and delicious.
I’m also a big fan of The Coen Brothers Hudsucker Proxy with Jennifer Jason Leigh tearing it up as a wiseacre, crackerjack dame, and Tim Robbins as the not-so-bright sucker with a heart of gold. Costumes, color, art design, and dialogue. *sigh*
After watching those, or others from my list, I feel inspired or pretty or happy. I am reminded of the things I love. I am reminded of what I like to surround myself.
This is your moment! Cue up the Netflix and get after it!
4) SELF-CARE :::
Sounds so lame, doesn’t it?
Self-care? (Insert eye roll here)
Like, you brush your teeth and manage to get dressed every day; isn’t that enough?!
I’m not sure that it is.
Basic is pretty basic.
When was the last time you put lotion on your entire body? Not while rushing out the door in the morning, or while the kids are asking you to make brownies for the class party today, or while on vacation using the hotel’s fancy toiletries…but when, in your regular old day, have you given yourself that experience?
Did you use to?
Did you take that time and give that luxury to your children when they were babies?
What about you? Can you, will you give yourself that time?
In Ayurveda, it’s called Abhyanga and is considered an anointing of the body with oil. Ayurveda suggests it be done every day, for at least fifteen minutes, AND (here’s the kicker) with LOVE and PATIENCE.
I can hear you right now….ain’t nobody got time for that.
And, NO, not that kind of massage.
An anointing is holy and sacred.
You are holy and sacred.
Love and patience…that’s spiritual exercise.
Just like no one can do the sit-ups for you, no one can do the love and patience but you.
I dare you….
Just this week, take 15 minutes. Face the holy and sacred part of yourself.
5) Breathe Slowly :::
I can hear you again…ain’t nobody got time for that.
I’m breathing right now, Lady! Otherwise, I wouldn’t be reading this! I’d be keeled over, dead.
I’ll ask you again….breathe.
Go ahead.
Stop skimming.
Take a moment.
Close your eyes.
Breathe.
What did you feel?
Can you do it again?
Eyes closed. Breathe.
Now slowly, repeat ten times.
What do you hear while you are breathing?
Can you hear your breath?
Does rain splash outside?
The tea kettle piping?
The bacon sizzling?
The dogs playing?
The neighbors blaring?
Your co-workers gossiping?
In the minute that you closed your eyes and focused on your breath, did your mind bounce around?
Did you resist?
Did you think it dumb?
That’s OK. The main thing is that you did it.
Would you be willing to try that again, later?
Maybe after dinner? Or before you brush your teeth? As you put the dishes away? While petting the cat, can you match your breath to hers?
Would you be willing to breathe?
5) Breathe Fast and Hard :::
Do you do it?
You know what I’m talking about. Thirty minutes a day of sweat-inducing, heavy breathing.
Maybe what you are thinking of isn’t what I’m thinking of…
Come on. You know this. Don’t be coy.
EXERCISE
So many studies prove that exercise is important for long term health, reduces your risk for getting all kinds of nasty diseases and conditions, improves your mental state, and generally helps you feel better, gives you more energy, relaxes, and promotes sleep better.
Are you or aren’t you?
Thirty minutes. That’s all it takes.
Here are some ideas. Pick one for this week.
A vigorous yoga session.
Brisk walk uphills.
Riding your bike.
A pyramid of burpees, push-ups, sit-ups, and planks.
Raking leaves.
You’ll feel accomplished. You’ll feel strong. You’ll want to improve.
And really, that’s what we are talking about here…an opportunity to improve.
Breathe hard and fast and feel that oxygen move through your lungs, feel that heart beat hard and fast.
That’s the feeling of being alive.
6) Laugh More:::
Currently, I’m looking for ways to laugh more.
Laughter really is the best medicine. It reduces stress hormones, bolsters your immune system by increasing immune cells. It also releases endorphins, those feel-good hormones that are akin to the body creating its own morphine but without the cost and unhealthy monkey on your back.
One of the ways I try to laugh more is by not taking everything so seriously.
I particularly love it when I lose control and completely go over the edge laughing.
In fact, here is a picture one of my daughters drew a few years ago titled, “Mom Laughing Super Hard”.
Super Hard by Inez
I always feel better after an out of control laugh. Like I’ve shaken something off. I feel lighter and more at peace.
As my 12-year old twin daughters straddle the line between their adorable, dependent, affectionate and loving elementary selves and the know-it-all, impatient and intolerant of mom, distant people they are becoming, I have to laugh.
I have to.
I mean seriously. They are still pretty adorable and small and dependent. Their attitude isn’t fabulous, but it’s hilarious to watch them try this new persona on for size. Plus I know part of the attitude is to see if they can get a rise out of me.
I never laugh at them or in front of them. But on the inside, I’m amused.
I’m also actively looking for other things to amuse me. Cartoons, movies, late night comedy skits (Hello James Corden “Crosswalk Broadway”! I’m talking about you!).
Life is a blip on the radar of infinity. Getting my panties in a bunch is no longer worth my time. I’ve got “Carpool Karaoke” to watch.
The key is to actively seek laughter. When conversing with people, be open, like a scavenger hunt, looking to laugh at a story or anecdote.
I often ask my kids when I pick them up from school, or I ask friends at dinner parties, “What’s the funniest thing that happened to you today?”
It typically takes a few minutes for them to answer as they reach for their memories. But even while thinking of the answer I notice a sly smile on their face. Their entire demeanor changes.
They look for something positive to share. And doesn’t the world need more of that?
7) Sleep:::
The morning starts with an alarm (which you possibly have already hit snooze on) and you are plunged like a pinball into the machine of your day.
You’re moving at an incline from the get-go, with gravity working against you, bashed by the flippers of school projects and work deadlines.
May Heaven help you if you come up against a bumper – a neighbor with a small request, the theft of some valuables from your car, a traffic redirection because of street repairs, an illness remarkable enough to require a visit to Urgent Care. Any of these diversions causes your already-scheduled-to-the-gills day to gutter off of the playing field.
The end of the day comes, you teeter home to get dinner on the table, a load of laundry in the wash and a moment to yourself.
Perhaps you had to miss some work or your child needs extra help with their homework. Or maybe the dishes are still stacked from breakfast. Or the carton of milk spills on the floor. Or the puppy got into the wrapping paper.
Stick a fork in you. You’re done.
You search for some peace hoping to find it in Game of Thrones or a Marvel movie or Instagram or a book.
Do what scientists say is the best thing fo’ ya. Get some sleep.
I would put cash money on the fact that you are not getting enough sleep in your world right now.
Less than six hours a night?
You are chronically sleep deprived.
Sleep deprivation is a torture tactic.
In the long term, your lack of sleep shows up as disruptions in your mood, your weight, your ability to remember and do things.
Six hours is the minimum!
I’m more of a nine-hour a night sleeper.
And, yes, that means I don’t see as many TV shows or movies, go out to as many social functions in the evening, read as many books, or any myriad of things I could be doing at night.
Are you familiar with The Hulk?
Yeah. When I don’t get enough sleep I’m that guy.
I get angry. And you wouldn’t like me when I’m angry.
I’m like a drunk person. I’m clumsy and forgetful, unbalanced and on edge. Brain fog. And my body hurts.
I’m not a pleasant person to be around when I don’t get enough sleep.
I guard it with my life. I guard it because it is my life and no one else will guard it for me.
Plenty of folks will encourage me to come out with them, have one more drink, join them for a movie.
They don’t necessarily have to suffer me the next day.
I’m fierce about my sleep and my daughters’ sleep.
Do you get mad over small things? Struggle with patience? Are you irritated by the people in your life? Do you rage?
I read this suggestion once: the next time you go on vacation and don’t set an alarm. Don’t plan for any days where you have to be anywhere at any specific time.
(Perhaps even just that statement is a fantasy.)
What would happen? How many hours of sleep do you think you would get?
After your body caught up do you think you would settle into a rhythm?
You’ll have to make a choice: Roku or your Life.
My bedtime is early. Like Baby early.
I can’t recommend it highly enough.
Sleep.
Please, for the love of all that is good and holy, get some sleep.
One Thing at a Time….
So….
Which felt the most “do-able”?
Which, when you read it, felt the most real or true for you?
Which did you resist the most?
Now for the real trick….
Which of these do you think you’ll be most easily able to implement this week?
Comment below! I can’t wait to hear your results!
Do Well
Be Well,
Lucila
